There are no excuses
by HellgirlAngel
Summary: Christian and Rose walk into the room to find Adrian and Lissa getting hot and heavy. This is a story of love, betrayal of the closest types, finding friendship and protection from the most unlikeliest of places. Christian/Rose. Partial OOC Rose.
1. Shock

**This Fic has no real place in the Vampire Academy storyline, somewhere after Shadow Kissed, but it doesn't mention anyone Dimitri related (as in him, his family, Abe or Sydney) as of yet, I am still undecided about whether I am going to put them in anywhere.**

**The story so far: Christian and Rose go looking for Lissa and decide to check Adrian's room. They open the door to find he and Lissa getting hot-and-heavy on the bed…**

**I do not own Vampire Academy (but if I was a Moroi I would learn to use compulsion really strongly and use it against Richelle Mead and make her think that it is **_**me**_** who wrote Vampire Academy and that she worships me as my no1 fan!)**

RPOV

"LISSA! ADRIAN! WHAT THE FUCK?" I screamed at the top of my voice. Christian was beside me in utter shock. I could feel the trembles in his body moments before they actually happened. Lissa and Adrian both disengaged from each other so quickly it was a blur. They hurried to put a sheet around them before saying the one thing that makes a situation a helluva lot worse.

"It's not what you think!" Lissa cried out desperately. I could feel Christian's betrayal exactly the same as my own. I could feel his cold resolution snap into place as soon as she spoke.

"HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME LISSA? I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME?" He yelled hoarsely. His fists began to bunch up and tighten almost imperceptively until his entire hand was as white as a strigoi's. My own disgust and betrayal finally kicked in when I felt her emotions course through me from the bond.

Shame. Guilt. Sadness. Anger. And one emotion which immediately made me feel anger like I haven't felt I years.

Smugness.

"What do mean Chris? This is all just a misunderstanding! Let me explain!" Lissa said soothingly, "Come here and let me tell you just how much I love you!" I heard the compulsion in her voice stronger than ever before. Christian started moving towards her, I snatched his arm and yanked him so he faced me. He looked at me angrily.

"What the hell Rose!" I could see just how much he wanted to be told that all of this was just an elaborate hoax.

"Don't listen to her Christian! She's using compulsion on you!" I said loudly. This broke her hold over him and his fury took over.

"I'm going to KILL YOU IVASHKOV!"

Before I could stop him he sprinted over to Adrian and began to lay his fists into Adrians face over and over. I saw Adrians feeble attempts to push him away, heard the compulsion in his screamed words to get Christian off. I could hear Lissa's sobbing and yelling for Christian to stop, and I would have gone over and dragged him off. Except I was enjoying it far too much. Lissa knew just how much I liked Adrian, how I was going to ask him to go with me to a dance in the city. I'd told her this only last night. It wasn't only Christians love and trust she lost.

It was mine too. And this was something I just couldn't forgive her for. Not now, and not ever.

Christian finally stopped punching him when his knuckles were open and bleeding and Adrians face looked like it was massacred. He pushed me so he could get through the door. It surprised me just how strong he is. I fell against the door frame and then straightened up.

Lissa looked at me in anger, 'why didn't you make him stop!' she sent through the bond.

I stared at her long and hard. When she finally became uncomfortable under my intense scrutiny, I answered.

"Why Lissa? Why should I have? You knew that I had feelings for him! You knew what I wanted! And you still stabbed me in the back. Why should I have stopped Christian when he did the exact thing I wanted to do. Better him doing it than me. Adrian wouldn't have _survived_ if I was the one." A solitary tear rolled down my cheek. I immediately hated them both for having broken me and Christian in this way. I admit, I'm not Sparky's biggest fan, but even he doesn't deserve this!

My emotions locked up, I pulled myself into order, shutting out everything.

"Goodbye Princess Dragomir, Lord Ivashkov. Good luck wherever your future takes you." I said in an unemotional, stoic voice, trying to stop myself from falling apart on the spot. I bowed stiffly and walked out the open door, leaving behind a crying Princess and an angry Lord.


	2. Pain

**OH MY GOD! I have had this story up for barely 5 hours and I already have 79 hits, 3 reviews, 2 favourites and 2 alerts! I LOVE YOU GUYS SOO MUCH!**

**Oh, and another thing, am I making Rose's personality accurate at the moment? I'm trying, but its sort of difficult.**

**I don't own Vampire Academy. Unfortunately.**

RPOV

I walked the halls of the Academy anxiously looking for Eddie and Mia, I figured they would help me find Christian. It's been a couple of hours since the incident, and I've been searching for him in vain. I want to find him as quickly as possible, even I admit being afraid of what Christian could do while he's in this state.

With every few steps, another tear falls. I've seen a few incredulous stares so far. I'm never one to openly show my emotions. I brush them away angrily. I'm practically jogging to find Eddie and Mia by now. I turn the corner sharply and send someone skidding across the floor after crashing into them full-on.

"Oh My God Eddie! Are you okay? I've been looking everywhere for you! Sorry 'bout that." I say in an extremely rushed sentence. Eddie gets up and cocks his head slightly.

"What's up Rose? What happened?" he asked, concerned. I wipe away another tear and take a deep breath and explain the situation to him in about two sentences, albeit, long sentences.

I wipe away too many tears than I care to mention. He pulls me into a tight hug for a few seconds. I revel in the brief warmth of my friends hug. He let go soon enough, just long enough to comfort me and calm me a little, allow me to finally think straight. He puts his arm loosely around my shoulder and guides me to Mia's room. I had no idea where it was. He released my shoulder to bang on her door.

A grumpy Mia opens the door.

"What do you want?" she then looked at my face and her demeanour dropped like a sack of potatoes.

"Oh, lord. What happened and how can I help?" I gave her a grateful smile and Eddie explained to the best of his knowledge. She pulled me into an even tighter hug than Eddie had and wiped away another traitorous tear.

"We should split up and look for him." I said once I gathered my wits. "Mia, you take the Moroi dorms and halls. Eddie, the dhampir dorms and classrooms. I'll look in the gym and buildings outside." I walked away without waiting for a response.

I had assigned us to split this way because of a brilliant flashback. I remembered that Lissa had told me that Christian liked to go up to the attic in the Church to think. The memory had both its good points and its bad. On one hand, I now knew where Christian was (hopefully), and on the other hand, I now had guilt and pain washing through me caused by Lissa's actions. I pushed the feelings away and focused on getting to the Church.

I pushed open the heavy wooden doors and they did so silently. As I neared the staircase leading up to the attic I heard heavy crashing. I sprinted to the top in case Christian was hurt. Even though he isn't really a close friend, I still care for him and will protect him if needed, now more than ever. I now see him as a kindred spirit. Feisty, strong, dependable, and now broken.

I shoved the door after remembering that it sticks sometimes. My eyes instantly fell on Christian, who was in the middle of throwing something against the wall. It was a partially broken wooden chair and I watched as it shattered on impact of the cold stone wall. It was then that he turned to the door and slumped to the ground in weakened defeat, but I knew that he could still snap again at any given moment.

I knelt in front of him, not saying anything. After a few moments he spoke, softly and barely heard. "I thought you said there was nothing between them, that she didn't feel anything for him." The cracked vulnerability in his voice was evident. And it was true. I had asked Liss-Vasilisa only days ago if she felt anything for him. She said she didn't and that she loved Christian too much. She and Adrian had been working together with Spirit for months. I realised then that it had either developed within a few days, or she had hidden it from me for a long time. This revelation hurt more than anything. She hadn't trusted me.

"She didn't. She told me she didn't! I swear I didn't know anything about it!" I cried softly but desperately. Painfully.

"Well you thought _wrong_!" He screamed at me, lunging to his feet faster than I thought possible, even for a vampire. I stood up hastily as well, in an attempt for him to see reason, but I was too late. In his eyes I saw total and utter betrayal.

Even then, I realised this confrontation would end badly. But for him or me I didn't know.

"_YOU TOLD ME SHE HAD NO FEELINGS FOR HIM WHATSOEVER! YOU LIED TO ME ROSE! YOU LIED TO ME TO COVER FOR HER! JUST LIKE YOU ALWAYS HAVE! YOU NEVER EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT WHAT YOUR DECIET WOULD DO TO ME NOW, DID YOU _ROSEMARY?_! DID YOU!"_

"Christian! I swear-!"

"_YOU JUST HAD TO RUIN EVERYTHING! YOU'VE DESTROYED EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE!" _He bent down and picked up the first heavy thing he found. It was then I finally realised that he was no longer in control of his actions. Blinding fury had done that for him. I was too slow to react to the violently fast candelabra pitching toward my head. Even my lightning-quick Dhampir reflexes couldn't have stopped the anger and despair filled object from connecting. I was thrown into the wall beside me when the candelabra collided with the top of my temple. I vaguely remember my skull hitting the wall as I slumped to the floor at Christians feet, unconscious and bleeding.

**Please Review with some ideas, if possible, about what to include further in. I'm already running out of ideas.**


	3. Guilt

**Sorry it's been a while since I updated last, work… need I say more? I've also spent a bit of the time trying to figure out what is going to happen in this AU, and I think I've figured it out a bit, as in, I've got a vague idea… which basically means I have no idea (laughs nervously and glances around). Well, not No Idea, just… Well, you'll see what I mean…**

**Thanks to all who've reviewed, I hope your all enjoying it so far, and I'd still love to hear some more ideas after I've posted the next couple of chapters…**

CPOV

I swung the candelabra at her head, as fast and as hard as I could. It hit her hard and she crashed to the floor. Why didn't she dodge? That's what I expected her to do! Why the _hell_ didn't she move from it?

I felt bile rise up into my throat when I actually _looked_ at what I did. I half expected her to jump up, wipe away the blood that was nearly pouring out of her head and say while laughing "Ha ha, fooled you Sparky."

Of course, that's not what happened.

I pushed down the bile when I realised that I completely and royally _fucked up!_

"Shit!" I shouted at myself and I crashed to my knees and picked her up bride-style. I forced my open palm to the cut wishing desperately that I was a Spirit user at that moment.

God, she'll murder me when she wakes up! Especially 'cos I saw her while she's weak.

I cut the thoughts from my attention and shoved at the door, running as fast as I dared without dropping Rose, close to sprinting to the infirmary. When I passed some of my peers they watched with awe and shock. Some with jealousy and some with a deep pity that I felt was directed at me. They knew what I'd have to go through when she wakes up.

I honestly didn't pay much other attention to them, only on the white girl unconscious and possibly bleeding to death in my arms. I noted that her blood covered my entire shoulder from where her head rested partially against it, I noted that her breathing had been normal, like when sleeping, and was slowly getting shallower and more frequent, and I noticed the deep beauty and peace in her features.

Wait, _what?_ Since when have I ever classed her as having a 'deep beauty?'

This was another errant thought that left my mind when I got to the infirmary. I kicked the door in a way that even Rose would be proud of. A young nurse was passing by in the corridor in front of us and she glanced at us before turning the corner away from us without really grasping the situation. Less than a second later she turned back and sprinted around the corner and over to us. After seeing all the blood I didn't even have to say anything, she simply let out a small squeaking noise, cleared her throat quickly and said "Follow me". She hurried down the corridor to unlock a room. She was quick, even for a Moroi nurse. But I caught up easily despite the aching in my legs. She pressed a button on a remote-like thing on her hup attached to her outfit.

"Mr. Ozera, please put her on the bed and tell me exactly what happened and what her injuries are. I do not care for secrets of any kind so please, don't hesitate. From the state of her, this could be very serious!"

"Yeah, sure. Sorry." I stuttered as I finished putting Rose on the bed. I told her what happened starting when she barged into the attic looking for me.

"I didn't mean it! To hit her, that is. I mean, yeah, I did try to hit her, but I thought she would have got out of the way or something! I didn't mean it, I swear! I didn't." I mumbled the last part as more to convince myself more than the nurse, whose name is actually Stacey, no that that matters.

At that moment Rose's doctor came in, I can't remember the name. Dr. Whatever gasped when she saw Rose lying on the bed looking like she had just fought a strigoi, and lost. She immediately grabbed a heap of meshy stuff dipped in Antiseptic or something similar. Stacey gave her an update after explaining what had happened. Dr. Whatever nodded and applied a thick wad of gauze on the cut. She saw just how uncomfortable and out-of-place I was without anything to do.

"Here, Lord Ozera. Hold this on as tightly as you can without causing more damage to the wounded tissue. I need to set up an IV, she's lost too much blood and body fluids to keep her sustained."

I immediately held on to the gauze, thankful she gave me something to do.

Three hours later I was informed that Rose was now clear out of what the Doctor classed at the 'danger zone', meaning that she could still breathe by herself (not that she lost the ability), that the multiple blood transfusions had taken with ease and no side-effects and most importantly; that she _wasn't going to die_.

When I was still sitting beside her bed an hour later the nurse literally _dragged_ me out and informed one of the staff to escort me back to my room. I was so exhausted I didn't even argue, which was pathetic because I am Christian and I usually complain about everything I can.

I fell asleep that night/morning feeling more shame and guilt than I had ever felt before.

Please Rose, just… please.

**Well, I hope you've enjoyed the latest installment of my story, and I'll try to update again soon.**

**Tooza.**


	4. Blank

**Hi, it's me again… IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY! I haven't updated for so long I'm not surprised if you hate me and want to kill me…. But in my defence, if you kill me you wont get the rest of the story. I know, weak excuse. So I think I'll just get on with it. Reviews appreciated, flames partially welcome, ideas for the story greatly appreciated. And without further ado…**

**I don't own Vampire Academy. If I did Rose and Christian would be together by now.**

**(sorry, I'll shut up now)**

RPOV

It's strange the types of things you can think of when you're doped up on anaesthetic and sleeping pills. For example, before I'd even opened my eyes my first thought was 'I'm hungry'. But then again, is that normal occurrence for me. But of course that thought led to 'When _did_ I last eat?' which also lead to; 'What day was it yesterday?'

Why don't I know the answer to that? _Well… this can't be good_, I thought to myself. I began thinking about other things, like; 'Where the hell am I?' and then 'Why am I here?' Eventually the questioning led to a very disturbing revelation.

"Who the hell am I?" I murmured this question out loud, thinking heavily. Ironically, it actually hurt to think too hard. And here I thought it only happened in relation to school.

When I couldn't answer any of the questions swirling around in my head I panicked. My awesome hearing noticed an increase of the incessant beeping that was coming from next to me which I hadn't paid attention to before.

My eyes parted thickly as I turned to the side. It was a heart monitor machine. I found I recognised the names of everything, just nothing about anything personal. The door at the end of the bed banged open and a pretty Moroi woman walked through. She must have been alerted by the beeping. When she saw me looking at her and she smiled.

"Sleeping beauty's finally awake then. How's your head?" She asked kindly while checking my charts.

"Um, my heads fine." It came out croaky from lack-of-use. "Why?"

Her hands stilled on the page, frozen. She blinked cautiously while she raised her head to face me. She chuckled, though clearly now on-edge.

"Why? Because you've just had a massive blood transfusion and you nearly bled to death! That cut on your head was difficult to staunch with the amount of blood pouring from it!" She said loudly if slightly disgruntled.

My hand raised blindingly fast to my head and felt around looking for abnormalities. "Why? What happened?" I asked frantically. A frown appeared in my expression when I felt a large bandage covering an area above and around my temple. My frown increased when I saw how shocked she was. The lack of answers from her was seriously starting to piss me off but she spoke before I had the chance to yell at her.

"Now you're awake this is a perfect time for your routine check. I want you to start with your name, age and birthday." She said clearly and professionally, but I heard underlying concern in her tone, but said carelessly enough for me to know that she had asked them many times over.

I couldn't answer her questions. The answers simply wouldn't come. I struggled with the fear and panic. I looked up at her with wide eyes and pale face and shook my head minutely.

"I-I can't! I don't-! I-I _What is wrong with me_!Why can't I _remember_!" My voice went from soft to anxious, low to scratchy. I saw the nurse's eyes widen and her drop her clipboard letting it clatter loudly on the cold stone floor.

**I'm sorry, but that's all I have for now… I am so firetruckin sorry I haven't updated any time sooner. First I lost my book I had it written in, then I lost the memory stick where I had typed it to, then my internet went bung, then I had SAC after SAC for school… And now here I am, finally realising the traumatising amount of time having passed since my last update. I swear I will update faster than that in the future, but I do seriously need help figuring out where to go from here. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE review and tell me exactly the types of things you want in this story and even things that could happen… maybe even some crossover characters? But not Twilight. Never Twilight. Okay, I think I'll go now and try and build a ladder for this massive hole I have just found myself to be in.**

**Bye for now, not forever? (God that sounds cheesy, sorry peeps)**

**Catch ya on the flip side! (god I love Rocco! Review if you can tell me what film its from and you'll get a special dedication in the next chapter! ****J****)**

**Tooza**


	5. AN

**Hello! First of all, I wish to say that I am so sorry. I haven't updated anything for nearly two-three years on this account (or my other one for that matter). This is because of a combination of school, work difficulties and a myriad of others. I will not make excuses for me being an absolute arse about it all, and I truly am sorry for anyone I may have kept waiting. About three years ago I discovered something which has quite literally changes the way I view a lot of things… Drarry. Unfortunately for me and you all, this sparked something which has still not abated and I am still quite obsessed with this pairing… Well, with quite a few Slash pairings. And thus, my inner Fangirl emerged, which is evident by the abundance of yaoi pairings on my account as LaverdaHarleyIndian. This caused me to deviate from many fics I was writing at the time and I haven't really written anything since.**

**My first order of business is to ask you if anyone is still following this story? And if you are then do you want me to attempt another chapter?**

**I am happy to attempt writing some more if possible, but I cannot guarantee that I will not do this again, but I will try and warn you in future and stick it on Hiatus if possible. **

**If you want to send me a PM or even review to tell me that you wish me to update or rewrite it I will oblige. But please don't just review or message me simply saying UPDATE! or anything of the like. If you can tell me what you expect from this fic or any possible ideas or outcomes, they would be more than welcome.**

**If I take too long to reply to a message or review, it is possible I have forgotten to check my account, because I use my other account on a permanent basis and only check this one once in a blue moon. So feel free to kick me in the arse with a message to my other account (I don't know whether it will let me do this as a link, so just delete all the spaces and hopefully it will work. www. fanfiction ~laverdaharleyindian).**

**Once again, I'm so sorry.**

**Tooza**


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